~Joie De Vivre~

Material girls

2011-08-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

I live a life where I love pretty things,
but don't we all...But in this material world,
is it even possible to forget..

Everything from what we wear to what we use..
From clothes, to jeans, to BB and Iphone..PS3
and nintendo Wii...air cond and holidays...
it's all the little things of media now isn't it?

I am a material girl..but aren't we all...
either way, there is no way out..unless you live in streets
or like Adam and Eve.- A little too late for that, are we now.

Soul searching...inspirational or just crap shit?

2011-08-24T09:12:00.001-07:00

It's 12.18P.M, a little ol' grumpy me just finished looking through for
jobs..I just thought to myself.. used to love to words, "soul searching.."

Someone always tells you that you have to do some soul searching..
Hang on..Wait a minute and chill the F* out..soul searching you say?

Is that even possible..I hate it when people say, you need to find
yourself..well..to be honest..if I really wanted to find myself..
literally..I'd look in the mirror. So, then again is soul searching
just the words of someone who wants to look smart or does it mean
something..?

Truth be..I have no idea...To me when someone tells me I need to find
myself..a.k.a "soul" I'd look lost because, honey knowing what we want
will never exist unless you are some ancient dude who just wants to sit
down at home and do nothing...which is almost impossible in today's society..

Being human, we change, we evolve, we progress...At some point we want this
and at some point as we move along we realize we want something else..so..if
soul searching, means looking for what we want in life...the answer is, everyone
wants to be happy, problem free and preferably very rich. Not happening because
life ain't a perfect fairy tale. Soul searching I shall conclude, is just
a little bull shit. You can't search your soul because only you know where it is.

Little Miss Meanie Bone

2011-08-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days where I lie in bed and realize this diary
here has been untouched for god knows how long..

Had lunch with Vincent and Vatsi today, and funny, Vatsi mentioned
there isn't a single mean bone in me..in other words I'm a spine-less
little girl...

I lay in bed wondering what exactly was the meanest thing I've ever done
to someone..being a typical girl...

1. Bitching.. a definite...but creating rumors, never..I speak
from what I hear...but it's still bitching.
2. Getting itching powder and rubbing it all over, "what's that
girls name??"
3. Scolding people back in high school...hmmm...a definite yes..
4. Getting pissed at my sister..and asking her to go to hell...-that
sucked big time..
5. Going low blow on the once-upon-a-time relationship that wasted the
precious years of my life...
6. Eliminating the people I used to call friends..
7. Ignoring lame-asses and laughing at 'em..
8. Posting Ms.Q's picture on Facebook..
9. And many more that remains forgotten..-but I will definitely update
'em here..

My point is, how mean should a person be to be actually mean. I'm happy
this way because I don't want to live a life of guilt where I go around
torturing the wits out of every idiot there even if they deserve it. I'm
not God nor am I the authorities, biting 'em back right in the arse ain't
gonna get me no where..because if every idiot in the planet did that, this
world would be even more fucked up than it already is. Simple. One less. One
more. =D

I'm no angel, I'm no saint..I'm just me and I believe everyone should be
given a chance..People come and go..some stay to share their lives with
mine while some screw me over and walk away, but isn't that what life is about?
If every little thing was a perfect little world, then we'd all be pretty bored,
won't we? This is me, I may call myself Ms.Meanie Bone while other beg to differ..I may get screwed over time and time again..but in the end, I have the people around me to create the balance in my life..and mine in theirs. <3

Sanity

2011-07-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

How do you tell when you no longer know of the little stories
behind the book of tales. Desire of dreams that fades away, isn't
it not a little rare? These dreams are made from the little minds
yet you cannot see what is the truth. Truth and dreams are these
desires or when rainbow shatters and none is seen.

Is this just desire or a dream from tales?

Wonderland Wedding

2011-06-16T05:26:00.001-07:00

I went to a wedding last Saturday.. A pretty little wedding which
reminded me very much of the theme Alice in Wonderland..but of course..
minus the chatty rabbit and the mad hatter, although there were sooo many
hats to choose from, from the photo booth.

It was a beautiful wedding, baby's good friend got married and she looked
gorgeous that day! Like an angel I would say. This was the most comfortable
wedding I've ever been too! No traditions, no waiting, no cheers...It was just
Peace..Quiet and Relaxing! I would love a wedding like that! =D If I would ever
have that chance.

Sometimes it's almost like God is playing a trick on you.
You find someone you love who loves you just as much, values, cares and cherish
you. The perfect match, except it either goes on to not ready for marriage or
never want kids. Lol...Life is a joke. The perfect man with perfections that makes
out the imperfections. i.e: the man who loves you and only you which results to only
loving you and not sharing the love with your future kids.=_=''' It leaves me speechless...but he is afterall the perfect man with perfections of imperfection.
Whatever that meant...

Oh well, like he said when the time comes. Although sometimes I'd like to label him my property!Ladies..Lay off! He's no millionaire nor Brad Pitt..but he is smooth with the ladies, and what more the sweetest guy I've ever met. A klutz..but only to himself. He's a keeper and definitely he's my man..=D

Baby, I don't know if you'll ever read this cause you haven't been reading my blog in awhile..but if you do..I just gotta write it down..I can't go around telling someone because I'm shy...=P so I gotta express myself a bit.hehehe... =D

I don't know how, I don't why but I am inevitably in love with you. You are someone i can love forever. =D

If reality was a fairytale, you are my prince charming. So I must be dreaming because you are. Don't ever wake me up from this dream because I don't ever want to lose you. <3

You Forgot Me

2011-05-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

The pink blossoms turns into shades of grey,
Over the green grass it turns into hay,
No longer is there the sun of tomorrow,
Just little clouds of yesterdays sorrow..
Pinkies nor winkies, that ain't going to work
because those are little words that we say,
It ain't easy nor is it hard,
but those little pinklets has faded in color,
It's no longer the pink that we cover,
With memories that painted a golden picture,
Pinklets whispered, I will never leave you,
but little lies of tomorrow's pleasure..
It's just like a drought that hits in September,
You can't see nor can you feel,
All you do is wish for the rain..
But you don't know cause you're not up there..
And there it is, he forgot about me.

Pieces of me..

2011-02-24T02:01:00.001-08:00

Shreds of paper..
Broken glasses..
It feels that way..
Everything said and done..
It tears and burns..
Never your perfection.
Paranoid is her first name.
Emotional is her last name.
Either way it's all her..
Wish those tears could speak..
But those are just metaphorical words..
Words the heart can't speak.
Those are the pieces of her broken heart.

I

2011-02-24T02:01:00.000-08:00

Me. You.

2011-02-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

The colors of the rainbow disappears,
Stormy nights, rainy days yet the reflection of
the rainbow rays fall onto my hand.
Twinkling from the corner of the eye,
it's almost like chasing light.
Yet so far, yet so near as I reach out for it.

Mistakes made are hard to forget..
What if I trip again..
Just what if, this time you walk away?

Is it all just in the mind?

I want me back.
But I want to be your perfection.

What If.

2011-02-11T21:46:00.001-08:00

"All this while,
I never thought I'd find someone like you..
You're complicated yet you are consistent with my mind.."

"I know we can...see each other, in time to come and forever..
Watching the show and all its actors, searching along for the answers...
Feel your breathe brush through my skin as I cry...wondering how it began..
Watching the time flow like water, singing along to a stranger..I can't explain, all these colors, burns like a flame, cool like ember..I regret what I have did, made you cry, it will never be the same...Sorry that, I can't let what we have go like that, may be you..will be sad..may be you..won't forget, cos I don't ever wanna lose you..cos you..will see in time.."

It's been 6 days,
I know it's just my silly demented mind..
filled with the black skies of "what if's"..
I was thinking, of the kiss that brought me back
to when I was sweet 16..

In love.

You brought me back to the world I forgot exists..
To the land where I thought I'd never find..
A climb that made me weak but you held me and showed me the other side..
A world with hope, love and sincerity..

Your perfection is my strength..
You are my strength..

But..
What if the perfection you see in me is flawed?
Just what if ...I'm not your bucket of sweets?

Demented little minds

2011-02-09T00:52:00.001-08:00

She believes that you are the absolute missing puzzle to her heart..
But what if what she believe is the absolute nonsense of her emotions..

She knows it's you when you kiss her..
It's just..She wonders..Is she good enough..
You're restricted..only because of her..
A free man who spreads his wings..living the freedom of
a man with no boundaries..It seems like someone else was perfect
for you..you were made for her..And she was made for..
She doesn't even know.

She's just trash you picked up and cleaned..But trash is still trash.

I hope..it's just my sick demented mind playing tricks with me.

Little booms of rainbow rays

2011-02-09T00:27:00.000-08:00

You don't really know how to say it..
You really do want to say it..but..it's hard..
cos it gets boring after awhile..How do you say
when you know you'll spoil everything.

You just cant.
Or at least..I can't.

I wish I wasn't me..
Different in every way..
Is this just another beautiful disaster?

Closing the books for 2010, Opening a new one for 2011.

2010-12-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

From the year 2009 to 2010,
things haven't been exactly smooth for me...
I was struggling to graduate out of college, hoping to
come out from the shit hole, I was dating a dude who was not worth my time
and up to today, I never knew why I didn't leave him earlier..My best
friend..oh well..was no longer best friends anymore..
Come 2010, I was hoping that things would change and I found myself
struggling to look for a proper job. I landed a job in Grey advertising, thinking
that I would eventually like it there, I didn't. I left within 3 months.

Towards the last few months of 2010, things started taking a turn and I'm not complaining now.Here's the list:
1. I got rid of rubbish.
2. I found someone who is closest to my heart. (who can make me smile through fb chat. =P)
3. I joined FHM and i'm one of the finalist.
4. Met two great girls. (Cherrie and Eshia)
5. Found that a long lost friend, can actually be the closest friend you may hardly meet, but who will always watch you back. (Avril)
6. The sweetest friend to me who I will always watch his back and I know he will always watch my back..(eg; shouting at the white guy for pushing me) a.k.a Vincent.
7. It may be bad to some, but to me I'm happy cos I'm vain! I can fit into XS! yessss~!!
8. Meeting more new people, going around and acting my age.
9. Being my manja-spoiled-pampered-self towards my boyfriend and he's ok with it.
10. I write for chinks now, but look! I gotta start somewhere. =)

I would say, the year 2010 is ending on a good note and I'm hoping the year 2011 will be an awesome one. If fate decides to put me to another test, I know I can handle it because the people behind me are a strong bunch.

Besides closing the books on 2010, this blog is written for a special someone...

We are two very different people, who would not have been together. But we meet when it comes to the four most important things in a relationship. Love. Understanding. Respect. Trust.

To the boyfriend who has been there for me all the time, through career, break ups (where do you find a guy who likes you and can help you on this, and he wasn't even dissing the ass hole.), technical and emotional problems..we've been together for almost 6 months. From the moment you stepped back when you had the chance to kiss me, you caught my heart. As a man, you respected me as a woman, as a friend, you respected me as a good friend and as a boyfriend, you respected me as your lover. It's not everyday you can have someone to be your boyfriend/best friend/shopping buddy/pampering-daddy.

I love the way you stroke my hair to sleep and take care of me when I'm sick. You have a firm yet gentle touch that promises to keep me safe yet handle me with care. You put me before yourself. I love the way you sing to me, and make everything okay. I was crippled when you found me,and now you've helped me up and I can stand tall. When we were sitting on the bleachers, you told me about the bucket of shit vs. the bucket of sweets and it is very much my life. I had to go through shit before I found you, and it is when I found you I was able to taste the sweet. =)

Here are some highlights of 2010:

Thanks for the Christmas Pain!

2010-12-25T19:27:00.000-08:00

Went over to Gardens, Sunway Pyramid with the family on Christmas Eve. Bad call..It spoiled my whole Christmas appetite!

My sis ordered Fried Kuey Teow which took about 25 minutes to come and mom ordered some bread thingy (sandwich) which took 30 minutes to come.. I orderd Curry Laksa which did not arrive after 45 minutes until I wanted to cancel the order.

The first taste of the laksa= SWEET!
I thought nothing of it since I was hungry but when I was having my 4th bite..
I saw that the soup was powdery.It was also thick and paste-like. Disgusting!
Looking at it made me want to puke. As hungry as I was, I couldn't continue eating that disgusting bowl of paste-like-shit!

Through enough, 20 minutes later my tummy ached and I had diarrhea! It screwed up my whole Christmas Appetite.I would say the best thing there would be the water. Other than that, don't go there!

It's not everyday I can find someone like YOU!

2010-12-19T22:57:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl,
I genuinely wish I could find someone who would sing me to sleep,
Brush my hair and kiss me good night. Love me, respect me and understands me unconditionally..Put me before him..but I thought it was all a little fairy tale.
So i kept myself in my own dreamland. That is, not until I found you.
You were different in every possible way. Like guys would say, I'm different
but that's a whole lot of bullshit! You WERE different. From the moment our
lips brushed, you stepped back knowing my limits. Enough said.I'm in ♥.

Officially we've been together for a month or less..unofficial..5 months going on to 6. We've spent every day together for the past 4 months, and even still we don't see each other everyday now, it's still at least 4 days a week..minimum!and..we go home talking on the phone for hours. I told you once, Valentines is not only for a day, it can be everyday. And you've showed me that it can be everyday. ♥

Whenever we argue, my heart cracks a little. But you make it all better and before I know it, it was as if nothing happened. It's like you've got magic powers or something.I don't know how you do it but you just do it. ♥

I love the way we fit so well, sometimes it's almost unbelievable how we fit. Trust was an issue but somehow, you managed to pull me closer. Though I'm scared, but if you never do try, you would never know. ♥

I love every moment spent with you, because those are the moments where I can truly be myself. ♥ ♥ ♥

It's kind of sad for you when you ask me what I want for Christmas and I send nothing but riddles to you..I'm gonna be truthful in a way I'm gonna add a little twist. I'm so happy with you. It is small, round and something I wished for. So all I want for Christmas is YOU! Go figure!
♥ ♥ ♥

A little guess from the colors of the rainbow

2010-12-12T04:37:00.001-08:00

Little by little as raindrops fall from the
leaves of yesterday, the rain has stopped
and reflection from the golden light shines upon
the droplets of water..all that's seen are pretty
colors of yesterday, today and tomorrow.

The little moments of silver linen, cotton candy and
the the rainy sky..that makes it all worth it..

Come what may, little by little you see to nothing but
what you would call little pinklets in the air..
Touches your skin and you look, whatever it may be..
The pinklets of today is tomorrow's rainbow.

Close your eyes. Make a wish. It's in your heart.

Reaching for the bucket of sweets.

2010-12-12T04:03:00.001-08:00

Someone once told me, to reach out
for that bucket of sweets, it takes a lot of
courage to empty that bucket of shit...

Life's not that simple,
You don't just want something and get it..
Sorry...even if you're a millionaire..There are
somethings money can't buy (eg; getting a chick to love
you instead of your stash of greens)

Digging through that bucket of disturbing crap is
kindda..oh well..crappy..at times it makes you want to give up..
till you see that very first colored candy.

Life's a bucket of shit..but if you dig hard enough..You'll reach
the candy..Yes, the candy may be covered in crap..but here's the story..
At the end of the day..that shit-covered-candy-wrapper may have crap all over it..
But..open the wrapper, and you've got yourself a yummylicious candy..That crap you
dug through is just to remind you.."you've came a long way.."

The earlier months of the year has been pretty crappy..
But not till now....Something's been going pretty well..Let's
have a re-cap:

1. 4.0 CGPA for my Senior and Special Project
2. Awesome new friends: Vincent, Sheila, Iylia, Cherrie & Eshia
3. Awesome loyal friends: Avril, Wai Nee, Christopher
4. I'm an official Graduate!!!
5. FHM; GND Contestant No.01
6. I stood up for myself! =)
7. Started off doing copy writing (which is awesome although it's temporary)
8. Have been learning a lot from people I've met.
9. A new and adorable baby cousin!
10. And Last but not least..I've found A Best Friend, A Lover, A Teacher, A Man..Someone I would call the person I LOVE...

Some of the happy moments so far:

Sometimes

2010-11-09T19:21:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel so helpless..
I wish there was something I could do,
To put that big bright smile on your face..
Just the way you put that big bright smile on my face.

The moments that I look at and tell myself..This life is so worth living.

2010-10-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

It's the depressing times that you look at everything and
wonder, what are you living for? From pain, to heart aches, lies,
deaths and breakups, sadness that hits you one after another
time..You wonder why, what went wrong, WHY ME?

A silly question we all ask ourselves when the faults in fact
lies with us..A vulnerable little kitten, in a land of Goblins and evil
leprechauns ..Is that risk even worth taking?

I took the risk to seek, to live a life I call my fairy tale..
and though through the pains and the sadness..between those teary eyes
I did find something..And that something that makes me look and say..
This is the reason why life is worth living. Sincerity.

The never ending story..

2010-09-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

I remember clearly watching a show called the
never ending story..A fantasy land of magic..alien-like
creatures and a giant dog..or whatever you called that..
I guess they called it the never ending story because there
was almost no ending..if i remembered clearly...

Like the story of a little girl...
Who had all good things come to an end..
But what happens otherwise just doesn't end..
She sits by the corner of the window..
Looking for the little diamonds of hope..
Waiting for a never ending question..with obviously no answer..
When will these tired shoulders rest..? Smiles of tomorrow
flows with the never ending sea..as if these smiles would ever last.
Nothing lasts forever.

Possibilities.

2010-09-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

How often do you see the other side of the rainbow..
How far can you reach out and touch the sky of glimmering
candies..How possible is it to sleep on a bed of sliver linen
cotton candy..The only possibility is through a word.

The little sillies of Tale

2010-08-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

Living on the deck waiting to see the wondrous tomorrows.
It's not that it's like this but somehow, someway it seems like that..
The little sillies of tales builts in that little patch that's sewn on
that favorite outfit of yours..You close..breathe and pretend nothing ever
happened..It's just like the life of the enchanted..only this villain..
lives inside of you..the little heart that beats as long as you live...
You can't live without it..yet you can't live with it..It's like that itch
you can't get rid of it..You thought sewing that piece of cloth onto the torn
patch would take it all away..mend that torn up jeans, but it did..only for awhile..why would a torn patch mean so much..? Only because nothing is ever
replaceable. That little patch is just temporary..it's just a matter of embracing
it while it's there..and keeping the memories of yesterdays in a little box.

Tell tale sillies.

2010-08-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Her life is a book of tell tale sillies..
A little book of misconception..or rather just a little book of little tales..she whispered with the wind..like how the wind misses the sound of those shivery bushes..or rather how the wind misses the cow?it's very simple..really..just like sugar tastes different from cotton candy..both sweet..but different.It's kind of like that torn shirt you love..you try to patch it up with a different cloth that you think you like.It's not the same..you still like that torn shirt of yours.

Broga

2010-08-09T01:31:00.000-07:00

I went to Broga again..with
my two lil'll boys..=)
Had a hard time walking in the rain through those
slippery roads, dark paths, painful leaves cuts and
smelly shitty palms..but I MADE IT UP THE THIRD HILL!

This walk somehow was more tiring..I had shaky feet..
Heard my back crack twice as i jumped..hehehe...
Vincent was a bit woozy..cut his fingers and had shit
on his palm..eewww...So..who was the Hero? Of course
Kiiiinneth..=) He's got great stamina..especially for a smoker..=_='

The climb was harder than i remembered..a lot more..tougher..
I could feel my the bones on my spine grinning against each other..
at one point I thought I was going to black out due to the pain..
But..I know I couldn't..I want to finish this damn thing and no way
am I going to finish it half-way..and I didn't..Well..the after effect
was horrible..everywhere was aching..but everything was worth it..I liked
the pain..because..I guess..I had a beautiful photographic memory and also
a self-accomplishment thingy that made it worth it..and I'm looking forward
to do it soon..and try Tabur too..=) The little boy in me has been unleashed..=)

Little Red Riding Hood

2010-08-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

and the wolf ate her.

All she does is cries and whispers..
Please take this pain away.

Icy-Cold

2010-07-29T06:09:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I spoke to you bloggy..
Ugh..Today was one of those days..
I had to rush my blardy assignment that is due
tomorrow..the dammm computer had to like shut down for
4 freaking times before listening to me!Ugh..I felt
like hitting the computer into pieces..I kept banging the table
cos I was indescribably angry...Thank God I saved my work
like every 15 minutes..Amen to that!

Today was an icy cold day..hated it..but I gotta look at it this way..It can be warm everyday..there must be balance..right?

Anyway..thank god i finished it..all I have to do is my presentation slides..
hehehehe...but the thought of presenting in front of sooo many lecturers freaks me out..Oh ya..I officially got a real proper job..not gonna say where first..will just
see how it goes..Am sooo starting on the 16th..and I can dress up for this job..hehehe..yipppeee...me loves to dress up...I'm just in one of those emo modes today..tearing up for unexplainable reasons..usual me..but come to think of it..memories of those rainbow sugar bedded cotton candy sometimes diverts the attention.

You'll be seeing a lot of me once Padma's assignment is over bloggy woggy..

A thought

2010-07-21T01:46:00.000-07:00

All this while,
she sat by him waiting for him
to say he loved her..
And as she waited..
So many things came to her mind..
She dare not move..
nor whisper...
She just knew that she had to be there..
She sat till the sun came down and how
the moonlight came and went..
The skies turn black and all she sees..
Is the reflection of herself..
She turned to look,
And he's just there..She reaches out
but he ignores..
The time just came to move on now,
And he turns back and look at her..
She heads for that door..
The knob turns open and he stands up..
Those words just came.."I love you...
To move or not she remains confused..
A little dream or a living reality..
As tears rolled down her cheek and she twitch..
Confusion lies within those drops of water..
A painted perfect picture or just a little cracked vase..
It's just too late..
She stood there still with thoughts all over..
What should she do or how can she now?
A step forward or ten steps back?

Who is she?

2010-07-17T03:57:00.000-07:00

Seeking..Finding..Time...

It's like those little candy bars you see
at a shop..you want it but you're afraid..
You have another candy bar in hand..what do you do?

A little girl with the desire to love..
She fell in love..thought she met her prince charming..
and all takes a nasty turn..He took her heart away..along with
her smile..She lost her life...her desire for happiness..
confused as he took her heart..he swept her off
her feet..made her and broke her..

Lying there,
A boy came.
He picked those broken pieces and made her..
She remembered how to smile..
How to be young..
How to live..
How to grow and be herself..

She loves "he"..
but remains confused of an unexplainable feeling..
She likes "boy" but know that she's no good for him..
If only she could read him like a book..
Whatever is it..
come what may..
She and "boy" will always care for each other..
She and "he" remains a mystery..
As for now..
No thinking required..just feel..
Enjoy the music while it lasts..

Memories of tomorrow are special because you can look at yesterday and smile to remember each single drop of sugar coated cotton candy..Let's pray these hearts have what it takes.

Who is she?
A bitch?A slut? you decide.

A list of Christmas wishes..

2010-07-16T03:28:00.001-07:00

People wish for richness...hot guys or girls and loads and loads of material stuffs..
My wish is also something unachievable..but if Santa came to me and asked my what's my wish..I'll give him this list..

First on my list would be this:
1. Everyone around me to be happy.

And the rest are...:
1. A guy who loves me for who I am..
2. Who cuddles me to sleep, hugs me from behind till I fall asleep..
3. Who kisses me on my forehead and pats me to sleep..
4. Who looks at me with those loving eyes while I'm asleep..
5. Who is loyal to me..
6. Who understands me well enough..
7. Who respects me well..
8. Who pampers me like a baby..
9. Who would carry me until I fall asleep..
10. Who will protect me..
11. Who keeps his promise..
12. Who trust me..
13. Who holds my hand through those stormy days..
14. Who be himself around me..(even if it means not bathing for a week..=_=')
15. Who I can talk to..as a friend or a lover..
16. Who don't get bored easily..=(
17. Who smiles because I smile...and makes me smile when I cry..
18. Who sings me to sleep..
19. Who kiss me in the morning although we haven't brushed our teeth..=) (disgusting..but..oh well!)
20. Who thinks i'm beautiful although I just got up..=)
21. And last but not least..he must be able to cook...a guy that can cook is awesomely hot!Lovesss...

But..looks like this list will never get to Santa's hand..cos these guys are extinct..hmmmm..I think I'm asking for too much..=)but..oh well..it's good to dream a little isn't it?

Anticipation

2010-07-15T07:18:00.000-07:00

Beneath those clear milky seas of lust..
Lies another story of anticipation..
Where all is but too well..
And how those golden sun of dangling sequins..
It's all just another fairytale of little
endings and big surprises..
The anticipation of the king's greatest secret..
Lies within the enchanted door with no keys..
Of daisies and roses of little white flutters..
Of the sky and mountains of little pink flowers..
Little by little those raindrops turns golden..
And of the little golden drops turns a stone of
pink silver reflections..
Those little sun of blue-ish little cotton candy of desire..
A stormy day and all is gone..none other so..the light remains..
Little by little it disappears..with just a smile from the suns of
the thorny petals of anticipation..

A little something in everything

2010-07-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

Living in those little clouds where
all's but just that little fairytale..
A non-existence box..
Of the little word perfection..
Like life's first day..
Ignorant and blind.
A step forward as the sun reflects..
That pretty little color..
Of little golden daisies..
A beautiful sight of little white flutters..
It's just your reflection of what's so golden..
A touch of red..a little red..for what's it worth..
So very much more..
The big bright sun..A tap into those rainy days..
for the nothings of tomorrow..As rainbow of little
yesterdays go through the winter wonderlands..
With reflections of gold onto those little streaks
of water..Those little birds..
With those beats of air..A magic of little rose petals..

a needle and thread

2010-07-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

I wish there was a needle and thread to sew those broken pieces together.

Lost in the sea of the sky

2010-07-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

It's there,
You think you know what's way above.
You step back, wait..And all you'll be waiting for
is to see those stars when the sun is up. A glimpse..
That's all.

Now all you're left with is yourself..
Wondering through those cloudy sky,
Eyes lost in the sea of a once upon a time..
Dreams of happily every after shattered..
Fairy tales are hopes..
Hopes of never ending dreams..

Acceptance

2010-07-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

A past of bumpy roads that brings nothings in everything..
Left behind with memories of yesterday to bid the future goodbye..
This train ain't no waiting for no one..
As passengers bid farewell..
Trains will keep coming..
But is it worth that wait?
Memories of nothings to make memories something.
Forgiveness of yesterday for acceptance of tomorrow..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gush of wind,
Blows through the silver linen silky snow..
With droplets of little rain in the gloomy clouds,
The silver linen silky snow
Seeks those gloomy clouds,
A risk to take.

Cotton Candy

2010-07-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

They rainy sky wraps the Cotton Candy,
But a gush of wind blows these dreams away,
A little piece is all that's left and rainbow
reflects..within the palm where berries covers..
like a sunken ship it disappears into berries of strawberries,
As rainy clouds wraps the silver linen light.

Disappointment

2010-07-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

It's not a good day today..
I start the day with morning tears..
I seek to find the answers..the comfort in the sky..
But to all in vain,
I'm used to lifting weights..
It's my weight to be lifted and not for others to share..
Why burden more when you can lift those weights?

Life's not easy,
I'm just starting..
You want me to be someone I'm not..
"I told you so.." you said..

Can't you see..
I'm just so different..a retard maybe..
I just want to be me..
a typical average girl..with a smile all plastered..
Nothing like the "hey..look at her.." I really hate that SHIT!
The life of the party kind..that's just not me..
I'm trying to be me..Just me with a smile...
A kid who laughs at baby jokes..I never want to grow..

It's all in the heart...who says I can't be wiser..It's all just
your perception..I'm nothing like your angels..Smart and beautiful..
the life of the party..the spotlight on them..I'm sorry to have
disappoint you..I know I'm good for nothing..I can't do much..But
I'll try to be you..if it makes you happy..

Shattered dreams in life and love..
Broken pieces of shattered glass..
I can't really be bothered at this point..
Whatever makes you happy..
I'm really tired..
Fighting battles and losing wars..
I can't be me..
'Cause you adore me in you.

a dollar

2010-07-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

clouds of silver and grey drops a dollar in the sea of bliss.a little tap on the bed of silk..

She walks with the orange floral dangling sequins top,the flashy white pants and strawberries with that little 5strings. A little black book,broken into pieces,plastered with little smiley faces,floral edibles with sweetness like honey.An un-broken script of illusion.

undeniably true

2010-07-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

it started with the falling of a star on to the sand field,a little bag with five gentle strings..look into the hands..it's all in your hands. Those story of the blue and black clouds falling onto the snowy land, it lasts a week or two..maybe more..bt it remains tatooed in the strawberries. broken pieces of misconception.

MIS-Perception, not the word..just the meaning

2010-07-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

It's all in the hands,
not just yet..
Simple but..too simple..it's all so complex now.

The dark clouds come and over the clouds
rain pours..cloud embraces the rain..with the new orange top and white pants
she walks in..the sudden sun..it all seems so clear now..
Reflecting on the dangling sequins on her top to the hands..the bright clouds appear..
it's a rainbow..Nature's perfection.

Simplicity

2010-07-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

Book.Black.Broken.

Nothing much.

2010-07-06T04:51:00.000-07:00

A simple case of mis-perception.

Nearer than you think.

2010-07-06T04:47:00.001-07:00

It's so near yet so far..
The heart has eyes too.=)

Learning to grow

2010-07-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

Every step we take from where we fall is where we learn and
that's what makes us who we are.

Being laughed at for being a quitter by others is nothing compared
to being disappointed at yourself for being one. In life,we choose
to become who we want to be and sometimes we regret..isn't it obvious..
be careful what you wish for. I wished I could be this and I could be that
but stepping into those shoes is what makes a whole lot of difference.

Trying to be something you've never been is different from actually knowing
how it is to be that something. Forgive me for the blabber but the brain's so
clogged that words just pour out like the blood oozing from a stabbed person. Weird metaphor? I think so too..

Back to that pair of orange elegant floral top..She walks wearing that beautiful top
with a pair of black shorts. Yes it does match..but something catches her eyes..She stops..a beautiful pair of white pants. She pauses. Walks in and tries..shits..she hates white pants but it actually looks good on her..and it's perfect with the orange top..She happily strolls out, with full contentment..it didn't cost her much..she probably wouldn't buy it, but it was perfect for her. What you don't like may not be bad for you and what you've never tried may just be a perfect match. Which part of life? Go figure!

It seems like only yesterday

2010-07-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

It seems only like yesterday when I finished high school..
went through a living hell in National Service, entered College
as mommy held my hand..graduated..worked for daddy..and entered SEGi..
dreading every moment of it until I met a couple of good people..=)

Right now..I'm exactly 9 hours away from starting my first official job..
well..working with daddy does not count!I wouldn't have gotten this job..or
rather have the courage to try this job if it wasn't for peanut butter and jelly..=)

I'm super nervous!!!ugh...=_='

Life flashes before you, and the next thing you know you're moving on to another phase in life..It's hard to look back and wish that you could turn back time, cause it can never happen..what you can do is look forward and make the best of what comes your way..

Knowing the bumpy roads is what makes you who you are.
A new day tomorrow, a new phase in life and a new smile.=)

Mismatched

2010-07-03T23:29:00.001-07:00

Wow..you see that beautiful orange top..elegant.floral..you just can't resist..you get it off the shelf..ahhh...*bliss* you walk again and from the corner of your eye something catches your attention..you turn to see..Oh!What a beautiful pair of turquoise pants. A must-get. You get it off the shelf, thinking the orange floral feminine top would match well with those stylish punk-styled turquoise pants. Contented..you happily head home although you just spent a fortune.

At home you throw everything on the floor, quickly dig through the pants and the top..strip and slip in that new top and pants. You turn excitedly to face the mirror in hope that you'll see an amazing reflection. You pause. The smile disappears from the face.You spent a fortune..to look good..but the effect speaks otherwise.

You hold your head down..A beautiful top, an awesome pants...but it sure doesn't go well.*broken* Things can look good..or maybe even awesome..two beautiful things can look awesome together or..it can look like a piece of crap. Just like life.

Fairytales..

2010-07-02T11:33:00.000-07:00

Fairytales are sugar coated reality..but..i still believe in 'em..I just wished upon a shooting star that one day..some day..there will be a prince charming to swipe me off my feet.

I'm a simple girl..who just needs four things from my prince:love me..care for me..respect me..and only have eyes for me..am I asking for too much?sighs..maybe..

However,judging from today's society..Fairytales are long gone dreams..But..I'm like a little girl who believes in true love..prince charming and happy ever afters..If I may be a sucker for love and a fool for bliss..so be it..Who knows, sometimes dreams do come true.=)

Do not cross THIS LINE!

2010-07-02T03:02:00.001-07:00

Religion is a very sensitive topic even up to now..
Different religions have different ways of teaching but,
they have only one vision: to instill good moral values into an individual.

However, many people take religion out of context and try to convert every
one they see on the street..ugh..it's good to be religious..but not an extremist.
It's because of these few rotten apples that people stay away from religion..

We will never know which religion came first..whether it's the Catholic, Buddhism,
Hinduism, Islam or Jewish..dan lain lain..WE WILL NEVER KNOW OK? So we should all pray the way we're comfortable with..or for those who don't believe in God can just ignore the whole God thing. Just do whatever you like as long as you do not hurt others.=)

I believe in God, and I'm a Catholic. I pray my way and you pray yours, I won't convert you so please leave me alone..stop condemning my God because it's a stubborn fool talking..so please do not stereotype me as "you all Christians like to covert everyone you see.." Use those eyes to see..because not everyone is the same. Thank you very much!

The little girl behind mommy's skirt is growing up..

2010-07-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

Being who I am,
The one who needed mommy to hold my hand when I first entered kindergarten to primary school to high school and even college.=/

Another chapter in life closes and another begins..
Nervousness shows from the sweaty palms every time I think about it..
I'm starting work..officially..an excitement overwhelms my little heart..
Yet..i fear the thought of starting my first day..It's just like the first
interview-first day of school-fear of making friends..I guess the fear of
talking to people has always been a part of me.=/

*Nervousness*

I'm starting work in exactly two days..brr...the thought of it send shivers
down my spine..I don't really understand what I'm nervous about but the fact
that I AM nervous..it's kind of frustrating..hehe..I told mommy to walk me to
my car on Monday and make me breakfast..She just smiled and hugged me..she says
i act like 10..yeesh..=/ but she offered to fetch me to work..=)

In life, we have to go through stages after stages to continue progressing..that's where the wiser man learns from the wise man..I want to be that wiser man and keep learning until the day i go 6 ft under..=) Yes, I want to be a kid...but I can be a big baby..still climb on daddy..and cuddle with mommy..but at least i'm a progressing big baby..

*Everything is going to be alright..*
*finger crosses*

Pigcess Day

2010-07-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

Woke up in the morning with a raw tummy...
Must be due to the diarrhea I had last night..but
that didn't stop me from spicy food..hehe..A day without
spicy food is like..asking me to eat without a tongue..Everything
is tasteless, yes chili is bad for complexion and my skin has deteriorated
since the past few years but really.chili is my drug. I need to have it every
time I eat..without fail..

Went to do my x ray..hmmm..my back bone must be a snake.=/
curvylicious..hehe..=p

Then, went to lammeya to have prawn me..*spicy-less..*
I asked for more "sambal" and the really rude Myanmar cashier came up to me
and asked me rudely, you sure u can finish?? I gave you one plate of sambal already!
I looked at her in disgust and pointed the plate of sambal I had already finished..Annoyed at me..she took 10 minutes to give me.."cold sambal" from the fridge which did not look like the prawn mee sambal at all..yeesh..i asked her what it was and she said she didn't heat it up!grrrr....but the difference between the prawn mee sambal and the one she gave me is that one has oil and one doesn't. Any idiot who have eaten prawn mee would know that the prawn mee sambal is oily..She came back with the dried one..microwaved and burnt..i didn't dare touch it and in conclusion, I soaked it with soya bean..=)

Besides that annoying day,
I went to buy baby pram for my darling levy boy..haha..as weird as it may seem..I enjoyed pushing the stroller in pyramid..One thing missing? A baby of course..I wanted to steal a baby..=p super kiddy me!Sometimes I act like..2+3..=-='

Today was another pamperlicious day with full scale manja-ness..I should train all pigs in piggy-kingdom to be manja too..=)

The prince with the golden heart.

2010-06-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

There once lived a prince who had a golden heart but believed his heart was black.
He lived the life of a prince with women flocking around him. Naturally, as any man is, he decided to use their hearts just as they used him for comfort and security.

He didn't quite believe that there was any girl perfect for him, who believed in love than lust..

One day, he found a girl worthy of his love. Without hesitation, he gave his heart of gold to her. He went to extreme measures to do his best for her but at times, our best may not seem as good for others.

He deceived others which broke his heart but for his true love, everything was possible. He lied through those innocent eyes consciously knowing that his lies would break someone if they knew.

Sadly, the girl and him went their separate ways due to a clash of individuality. The prince was devastated as he took back his shattered heart. He resented the times when he deceived others knowing rationally that it would hurt good people.

However, what he failed to see was that mistakes arouses because of the purest thing called love.He loved that girl to the extend that he would rather break someone else than her.

Mistakes were made in his quest to protect his love. However, those mistakes made were out of unconditional sacrificial for love, which makes the prince, a prince with a golden heart.

Choosing a wrong turn to protect someone you love isn't wrong..because it came from a selfless heart.

Who needs to sell ice to an Eskimo..

2010-06-30T11:29:00.000-07:00

There once lived a poor little orphaned,
She lived on her own since she was a little girl..
Desperate to fend for herself instead of begging on the cold streets,
An idea hit her...
She had a full supply of ice during the snowy weather..
Innocently, she thought why not start selling ice..
She picked up the ice, clean it, reboiled it and put it out in the freezing weather so that it will turn to ice. She went houses to houses selling ice to people, as usual, people slammed the door in her face, thinking she was an idiot..Demoralized, she turned away, went home and cried. Not only is she broke and hungry but she was broken emotionally and spiritually. As she held her head down, she walked away in tears. She slept in the cold weather with no fire to warm her. Suddenly, she realized, why sell ice when she can make something out of it. She then made ice cream toppled with juicy fruit syrup she had plucked. Business bloomed as she made more..and soon enough, she was a successful entrepreneur.

Moral: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. No one can pull you down but yourself.=)

Boredom..

2010-06-30T07:26:00.001-07:00

I need a new "thing" in my life..a new hair cut..or hair color or something..But definitely not curly buurly locks..eeeww..=p I don't want hardened hair that looks like
it's ummm..as Kenneth would disagree "erected" but to me it does look erected..I mean..some parts of it just stand up! So from my opinion curly burly locks means very much erected hardened hair (excuse me for the obscenity) yeesh...

Pick one of the below..or should I just be me??

Went to k3k yesterday..where we played Jenga..funny how something as innocent as that can turn out as obscene as..i don't even know how to describe it..=_=' we were practically laughing..especially the boys..when i said "tap it gently" they laughed .."pull it out fast" they laughed.."why do you like the black one?" they laughed.."tap it the other way.." they laugh..it was only then did I realize that we weren't playing Jenga anymore but rather BANG-ga a.k.a hamsap-ga..lol..sorry..I as usual favor the smaller brain to the others out therefore it followed me out yesterday..

Lol..I would love to play BANG-ga/hampsap-ga. again..=) lmao..

And for three times consecutively..Vincent remains the one being Bang-ed. Maybe he just likes it that way.=)

Baby Bliss

2010-06-30T03:21:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I saw baby Levy..
The greatest part of seeing him is seeing his innocent little smile..
He has grown a mighty lot since I last saw him..
It was only less than two weeks..

At times, just looking at him, I wished that I had a baby..a mother
of such an innocent gift of love.

Well, with all that I have I wish God would permit that dream to come true
one day in the most ideal manner..

Pictures of the chubby..simply adorable..healthy 7lbs Baby Levy:

Crossing a road of imperfections to fulfill perfections

2010-06-29T11:48:00.000-07:00

The road to perfections will lead to the starting of many imperfections..
A dark road filled with bumpy roads and booby traps all along as you limp
to find your way..
Finally a helping hand comes along and suddenly the road doesn't seem so dark..
A brighter way with someone to be your eyes..your hands and your feet to find your
way out of the little forest..And as soon as you're out..that hand releases you..
And you realized, those legs can walk again.=)

A little story:

Once upon a time,
There lived this princess who had everything she wanted. However, one day a tragedy came upon her family and all that was left was her..She had no one to turn to and before she knew it, she lost everything. Her family, her palace, her life and herself. She was a peasant.

She lived as a peasant not knowing what to do, seeing the world from an innocent child eyes.Believing in lies like a baby.

The one day, she met this guy. A guy who really took full trust in her and vice versa. She believed in him because he had the truest eye. An act or not, let god and him be the judge.

He helped her through her livin' hell of ugly past, but this Princess couldn't accept the fact that she isn't who she was anymore. The past haunts her as she screams inside of her.

The guy tries to help her and picks up the broken pieces of her heart. Then one fine day, she finds out that this guy filled with humility and a golden heart was in fact a prince. They made a little promise, that the guy would never love her, as he deserves someone better.

The prince helps her to drive the road of her imperfections which she finds just so hard to maneuver and as time passes by, this princess is no longer a princess. She is someone with a very good friend by her side and a professional F1 driver.=)

~Living life through imperfections only brings out the perfection~

Gloomy Friday and Sunny Monday!

2010-06-28T01:12:00.000-07:00

It's always good to believe that there will be a rainbow after the rain...♥♥
Because not believing only brings out the quitter in you..

Through this short journey of finding where I belong..I had a pretty bad three weeks..
But thank god..there were people there to hold the umbrella for me..covering me through the rain..Thank you..for being my shoulder to lean on..seeing me cry..seeing me act like a paranoid bimbo and still have the energy to make me laugh and put up with my bimbo-tic bitchiness.♥♥♥

I had pissing off bad Friday..but a too good to be true Monday..That's all that matters now isn't it?I'm so happy to the extent that I'm all monkey-ish..not that I'm a monkey..but i'm jumpy..I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs and..hehe..just jumping in hopes I can reach the sky..

Almost nothing can screw up my day..call me a dam slut for all I care..I'm as happy as a hyena!

Looks like that bucket of sweet is almost full..♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Trust

2010-06-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

Someone told me that I've been putting myself at risk..trusting people so easily..Despite the fact that i'm being told this, but I realized too..In a way..
..I shouldn't trust people so much..'cause it may just make history repeat itself. In whatever sense..I never do learn my lesson do I? Guess 'cause the heart thinks more than the mind..or even the mind doesn't think at all..

Sometimes, I have this thing in me..where I sense vibes coming from a person..it's kinda like...I just know I can trust this person when I see him/her..I just see an honest face..but there's also sometimes..people like me..that's too stupid to think..I end up believing in the wrong person...

I used to look at things differently..making everything so complicated and frustrating..when in actual fact, all I have to do is just look at things in a simpler way..I'd like to believe that there's goodness in everyone..Even if I may be a fool doing that, well..at least I'm a happy fool.=)

Passion vs. Prison..

2010-06-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much drained out again today..guess it's the fever taking over my body..did something stupid yesterday but I just thank god for loving and protecting me so much..No more meds doing the thinking..yeesh..

Oh btw..My darling is officially engage..her future hubby proposed to her..and I'm so freaking excited..I'm overwhelmed with happiness..(cheh..as if I'm the one getting married..yeesh..)I'm really super duper happy...excited..and..the feeling I'm getting is like hmmm..an excited child getting her first Barbie Doll..hehe...it's like hmmmm...words can't describe my emotions..one word..overwhelmed..yipee!

Oh yes..and I lost weight..must be "ming li"..swts..25 days and counting.."she's" the reason why I probably feel so lethargic all the time..*sighs* It's a good thing loosing weight though..from 47Kg to...44.8Kg..not too bad for a period of one month..hehehe..=p

Another pamperlicious day in sanctuary..thank you..(",)

Anyways..the passion vs.prison..you know how it's like when you actually know you're gonna hate doing something, but your parents..well in this case parent..forbids..ugh..they always want you to be like them and it's so wrong because you are your own person..right?If pursuing your passion means giving up your duty as a daughter and imprisoning yourself...is it even ethical??

I may be an introvert but that doesn't mean I can't be succesful pursuing my passion..sighs..I'm trying to remember the fact that I am my own person..impossible to if u're coming from a home that plans every step you take..Every step I take is covered by muds and soil..but the road to imprisonment is always clean cut..but at this stage..as mean and unfilial as it may sounds..I'm pursuing my passion and letting my parent down..I need to get down and dirty to realise who I am..That's the fact..yeeesh...that's a pretty fucked up thing to say..but I need to grow myself..I'm not a baby anymore..but that doesn't mean I love you any less..sighs..tat's a plus point to the bucket of shit..yeesh..

It was an ok day..but the last part was good..pamperlicious and finally convinced someone to admit that he is a male-pig..hehehe..=)

Life is an opened book that we right our journey in. As tough as it may seem, but the harder it is..the more you learn, and learning is an experience that no one can take away from you because it is the one thing that changes who you are..positively.

Pamperlicious

2010-06-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sick..feverish..and stuck in a Cyber Cafe with smoke+noise+migraine..Good Luck to Me!

It's been awhile since I've felt pampered..too
long to count..but I'd estimate about a year and a half
or maybe more..But today's chillin' session gave me comfort..
I felt pampered and spoilt and honestly..it's a good feeling.
Having someone stroke your hair to sleep..I think the last time
that happened was about..hmmmm...probably like when I was..hmmmmm
8 or 9 years old..Having your hair stroked as you fall asleep in the comfort of
warmness, security and peace..one word..sanctuary.

I had a migraine today..guess it was either from the rain yesterday..
or..probably because it's been a tough week and I'm drained out..
mentally..physically and emotionally..I'm sensing this feeling..kindda
afraid I'll fall back into the "D" word..I'm this overly-emotional bitch..
it took me about 3 1/2 months to recover the last time..hmmm..i think realizing it is a good sign..cos "d-ed" out people don't know..so it's a good thing..BUT..although I've
been drained..In this two weeks..I've never laughed so hard for the past two weeks in a year or more..
=)

It's just the going home part that sucks..I think and think..analyzing stuffs and trying to predict the future is one hell of a sick job for someone who can barely sleep..Late nights non-stop+being really blind at night does not do any good to a blind-eyed old-bitch like me..*sighs* But I'm looking up..I do believe somehow..someway..life will take a right turn..so no harm to that ain't it..=)

There are ups and downs..so I'm focusing on getting closer to that bucket of sweets..A pamperlicious day made feel much better..it's good to know that you have someone to lean on when those shoulders are tired..

that's a +1 to the bucket of sweets..much closer.

sleep-o-logy

2010-06-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

Exhaustion lingers within the body as I feel the little switches in my body..slowly turning off bit by bit..one by one..then..my brain slows down to the pace of a crippled old lady..I think but can't speak the words just yet..I want to say it out..but i'm just too tired..too tired that the brains can't send the words over to
the lips..I'm drained..I..need to walk to the bed..the cold soft silky sheets..finally..arrived..putting that heavy head to rest on the comfort of such a fluffy cottoned silk covered pillow..aaahhh..paradise at its perfection..and suddenly..the eyes won't shut. It looks at the side..from side to side the eyes run wildly..I lie awake in the comfort of sanctuary as the silk sheets gently touches my body..the blanket wraps me up like a baby in the comfort of her mother's arm..yet..I lie awake..my mind is scattered all over the place..thoughts linger through my mind...I'm trying to sleep..I slept at 6.30, the night before..woke up as the sun brightly shone into my room at a cold 9.30 morning..and now I lie awake in my bed blogging..my sleep-o-logy...the more tired u are..the harder it is to float into dreamland..sighs...

Anger is a mental drug.

2010-06-25T03:22:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days again..
Where every thing you do goes way wrong..
Drained out from interviews after interviews..
Car got over-heated..stayed in the mechanics for
..ok fine less than an hour while I needed to pee
desperately..but whatever..bottom line..today
was one of those pissing off days..*sighs*
but..i'm sure there'll be a rainbow up ahead.=)

The Princess In Every Little Girl

2010-06-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

I think it's kindda common,
Every little girls fantasy,
They dream of livin' a fairytale..
The tall, handsome prince charming,
Swiping you off on his beautiful white horse,

A simple case of deception..
Fairy tale don't come true..
Never have and Never will..
Here's the thing,

Fairy tale's are meant for
people who have no dreams, no hope in love,
no believe..

It's kindda like a drug,
to make you believe in love..and off you go finding yourself..

But for people like me,
It's kindda screwed up..
Cos I live in reality but part of me ain't so close..
I'm always livin' in a fairytale,
Where dreams are a part of me..
Silly, but true..

But now I realized,
There's no such thing as fairytale..
It's just the little princess inside of me...

The Bucket of Sweets Vs. The Bucket of Shit~in simple mathematics.

2010-06-24T02:38:00.000-07:00

The imperfections in life makes life seem like a bucket of shit..
Life's a never ending drama..It comes, it hits you and it leaves you
broken..again you stand up and it comes hitting you again till there's
no way out..but yet you stand up, crippled..broken and at the end of the day
all you're left with is you, yourself and that big bucket of shit.

We are so caught up with that stench, the miserable little smell, that every little step closer we take to the bucket of sweets, we're turned off by the big bucket of shit..and what's left in our memory..is never the sweetness of the candy..but rather the stench of shit..silly, ain't we all?

we are so caught with the imperfections of life,
but all we have to do is look back at those tracks,
and skip all the bumpy roads,
acceptance is one thing,
believing is another,
seeing yourself from the eyes of an angel,
from the eyes of an innocent child,
Here's a choice,
to walk those crippled legs and put your head up high,
or to never lift that crippled leg, and never know what's it like..
If shit is going to stop you, then how will you ever know what sweets taste like?

It's easier said the done, and i'm taking my time because, I just want to make sure,
When I stand up..this time..no more falling..i'm going to put my head up high.♥

Thank you my dear friend and thank you for foreseeing the future and writing track 5.. ♥♥♥

The Good-News Bad-News Day

2010-06-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes..
Everything just goes your way on a particular day..
Everything just falls into place and you get everything
you want?And suddenly,just only after a few hours..
Everything is taken back from you..Pulled me like a ton
of bricks..You loose everything you want at this moment..

Yeap..
That's what happened to me today..
I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing to not be
part of the cabin crew life..well yeah..I did everything I could
to get in..I did..and everything was good..AND...I failed my medical..
Perfect ain't it..to make matters worse..I turned down a job because
of AA and..I have issues with my senior project and have to decide if I
should kill myself or two others..Fucked up ain't it?I'm not the kind that
believes in the dog eat dog world..yeah..so..that's not one hell of a + point
for me..

Well..I don't know what to do..or what to say..or at this point..how to
react to all this drama..staying at home is suffocating me right now because
I can't cry and talk about it because in the first place..mom and dad never agreed
for me to be a part of the flying life.

Well..A bad week..Yes..but that's not stopping me from looking forward..life has
its ups and downs..and there's no time to waste dwelling on the pain.

~Don't cry when it rains, but smile because it takes the rain away then you'll be seeing rainbows ahead of you.~

Speechless

2010-06-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Don't know what to say..

I'm pretty bored being all stuck at home..
Lifeless.Meaningless.Lost.

I've been job hunting...A LOT..
Had many offer letters thrown at me..But
mostly all paid too low..
A couple of companies offered me RM 2k and above..
but I turned it down..Don't know why I did it but I did it..
*sighs* A feeling came over me..I mean..I kindda know it's not
the JOB I want..and I'm not into job hopping..It's bad for the resume.

I can't find a low-paying far job because..Daddy's too old for me
to be asking him to sponsor petrol/toll..and I have commitments..Loads
of them..*sighs* But Mom and Dad are asking me to take it slow..Don't rush
into it..*sighs* Sadly..I can't stand the thought of being jobless..I mean
I've been jobless for almost 2 months..I mean not exactly cause I'm doing my
senior project..but STILL..I need to earn...grrrr...
and...yeah...my scoliosis just pretty much ruin my chances of getting a job that
I was 1cm away from getting..I mean..I got in..but...sighs..medical check-up sucks.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for taking away our sins and delivering
us from evil..Thank you for granting me the strength
and courage to do many positive things..
Please grant me a high paying job..please...=(

Amen..

Baby Blooms..

2010-06-07T02:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday...an excited little boy came into the world..He was due end of next month..but this little boy couldn't take it anymore..He gave his mommy one good kick before mommy was wheeled into surgery...A future footballer?Possible.=)

Baby Levy came into this world weighing 2.1 Kg..He was really tiny for he was only 7months ++ old..He came in time to watch the world cup if I should say so myself..=)

You see..Baby Levy is a story of a true mother's sacrifice..My aunt Jo is a woman in her 40's who failed many relationships in love..which in time made her an independent career woman..She finally found love in her early 40's..got married to a Jewish man who sadly could not step foot in our country..Because of her love for her father and husband..She had to travel in between Malaysian and the Philippines...staying in each country for two months..

As time passed, her dream to join mother hood came true but sadly, there were complications..I don't know whether it's genetic but aunt Jo has multiple fibroids inside her uterus which endangered her life during pregnancy..As the months passed..a 3 month preggers Aunt Jo looked like she was in her 6 month of pregnancy..She often broke down because she feared for her life..as 10 years ago a palm reader told her that she would have everything she wants..money and career..and also a family..but she'll die before she reaches 50 (or so the palm reader told her)..She was very much afraid that Baby Levy would be a motherless child..She often cried during the pregnancy..left journals for her child and pictures so that he may see his mother if something were really to happen..

But thank god with the grace of God..both Baby Levy and Mommy Jo are safe..

Morning Boredom

2010-06-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

I went for an interview yesterday..first interview I had where I was
laughing with the interviewer..hehe..=)
Well..although the conclusion=I am still jobless..but I really enjoyed
the interview yesterday..I mean it's not everyday you see two people
who've just met laughing like they've known for a bit..Well..And i'm glad..
or rather I can feel my self-confidence boosting up..=)

Anyways..besides my interview yesterday..
Oh crap!I just forgot what I wanted to say...
Hmmmms...Oh ya..Had an argument with Ak yesterday..I realized that whenever
we're angry..anger from within just bursts out like a Volcano..and Trust me..
It becomes very very destructive..*sighs*

We argued over so many things..I guess there's this tension between us where we're
so annoyed with each other.She with my temper and Me with her Bitchiness..Hmmmss..
I asked her to sleep in the other room and she went to..crying obviously..5 mins later..Gosh!This sounds so lame..but we were hugging and apologizing to each other..=_='

Lame?Yeah..pretty much...=p

2010-06-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

Has it ever occurred to you that humans brutality can be so..*lost for words*
Cruel is a word too mild to use on humans brutality...God made humans with brains
so that we can have the wisdom to make earth a better place to live in..so that we can
leave that there may be a path for our future generation to walk in..but the brutality of man kind has turned everything upside down..God's gift of wisdom and feelings have been misused yet again..*sighs*

*pics courtesy of http://www.wspa.ca/latestnews/2009/balis_dogs_at_risk_again.aspx*

pics courtesy of http://stopanimalabuse.blogspot.com/2010/06/mass-strychnine-poisoning-of-dogs-in.html*

There is a new poison called Strychnine poison..where inhuman men shoots the dogs with this poison..at first the dogs runs away..but in about 10 minutes..their muscles hardens and they start limping with 2 legs..and before you know it..they stop..fall to the ground and gasp for air..for about...heads up...2 to 3hours...and die. The liquid paralyzes them and all they can do is watch as their killers kill their friends and family..as they suffer a scrutinizing pain while their organs fail on them..bit by bit..the pain so intense but all they can do is lie on their stomachs and weep in their hearts...

What these beasts forget is animals have feelings too..they're living things..and even if the population of dogs which causes rabies is out of hand..they could consider giving these dogs a fast death..can't they see for themselves..what if it was them?Is humanity too blinded by selfishness? God created humans for a reason to make this world a better place..seems like humans are taking these out of context..the road to righteousness has been blinded by men's selfishness..greed and gluttony..I'm no saint..but I still have a heart.

Would you have the heart to torture such beautiful creation of mankind?

Vietnam..the land of dust..dirt..and dong...

2010-05-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Vietnam a couple of days ago...
Seriously..I doubt i'll ever go back there again..
Traffic there is like suicide..everything is dirty..and
even the bottled water is not clean..=_='

Safety is of their last priority I think..=/
Going there though became an eye opener for me..I now realize how
lucky I am..I mean this is a super under developed country where the wire
poles hangs down in a bunch and the poles go all crooked.. Beggars everywhere
and people there look very stressed out..you can see fine lines on their faces..

We went to the war museum..and saw things that I never would've imagined..
I mean I know the picture of war is never beautiful..but this was far more than
I imagined..I picture the battle of humans killing humans to be stabbing..gun shots
and beheading..but this was different..You could find pictures of the soldiers proudly holding the head of a man whose body has been de-boned..and to mention you can see poor helpless people watch as their young child of only a few years gets disemboweled..*sighs* There were even two deformed fetus of a full grown baby who died..apparently the fetus was a present from uncle orange by Americans..*sighs* The army can really fuck up your mind at times...=(

We visited a lot of places..even the presidents house.. something spooky overwhelmed me and left shivers down my spine when I was in the under tunnel..I don't know why and I'm not the only one who said it but there was the smell of blood..It kindda freak me out..especially this passage way...It was spooky and it made me run..=/ the feeling is unexplainable..

Vietnam became an eye opener for me to the leftovers of war..I mean..poor Vietnam..*sighs* but what can't kill you only makes you stronger..I won't say I didn't have fun there..There were times I did..but it was a great eye opener for me and somehow..I thank god for the life he has given me.

Vietnam!!

2010-05-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

I'm in Vietnam nowwww!Just landed not too long ago..thank god there's wifi..but i don't know why i can't access to facebook..sobs..-_-'
Anyways..while we were in the cab..Mom and Kan Ma Ma were talking bad bout the cab driver and the vietnamese people..saying they look so poor..and the taxi driver is rough and etc..and i told them to stop..i mean..just in case he can understand cantonese..Guess wat!!He does understand cantonese..swts..anyways..will update my trip soon!

Is this goodbye for real?

2010-04-19T00:57:00.001-07:00

When people say good-bye..is it for real?
Is this the finale of a sacred "I do"?
Life is unexpected.

ThE WeIrDo and Fatty Me!=/

2010-04-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

Last two weeks, bumped into this primary school mate of mine
in college..apparently he works there..He has a very distinctive
name, which I obviously CAN remember..but somehow FAILED to recall
his looks..Let's just say, I have NEVER spoken to this guy BEFORE!
I just now he kindda like used to Stalk Avril and me last time!EEW..

He came up to me and and in a very mono-toned, flat, feeling-less, no
punctuation, robotic voice and said, "Hi, you're Carissa Koh I'm Jo****** from your primary school Sk.Sri Subang Jaya you used to hang out with Jade and Avril do you remember me..*try talking like this without any punctuation and make your voice sound real robot.."ugh!Fine.i'm cool with that..I mean maybe that's the way he talks..
He kindda looks like a nerd trying to be cool..STILL..i'm fine with that..I don't judge people I just met...

BUT!I was there posting comments
on Facebook talking to Avril about Pork Knuckles..Yummmsss..and..he butts in saying
it sounds nice and all..that's still OKAY...because he's giving his opinion and all..

but then the next day he goes and tell
another dude from college that I had pork knuckles and he didn't want to join me!The dude told me he asked Him if he was free at night and he said yes..and when the dude asked him if he was joining me..he said.."NO I don't want to hang out with them!"

First things first..the only conversation I had with him was the "oh-he remembered me but I don't remember him" conversation..
and secondly..I was talking to Avril about our pork knuckle date
which he butt in for no reason AND no one asked him to have pork knuckles with us..
so WHY is he saying he doesn't wanna join us??Ugh!And when I saw him at the smoking area..I literally jumped off the 1 1/2 metre high I don't know what you call that thingy to the ground to avoid him! And he was there saying in his monotone robotic voice.."Carissa Koh..so nice of you to have pork knuckles without me!!which I ran off not replying him..yes! I was rude!Sorry! But.." Dude! I only spoke to you once..UGH!=_=' How weird can some people get sometimes!grrr..

AND..going out with Avril has officially made me fat..From 46 kg...I'm officially 47.5KG!I'm supposed to be loosing weight for Langkawi..not gaining..ugh..!I'm a FAT me now!x_x'

BAD DOCTOR

2010-04-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

Was running a high fever yesterday about 4.30 A.M...
Daddy brought me to the clinic and I had a terrible
encounter with the doctor. Not only was she rude! But
she was STUPID! She told daddy that I was running a fever
of 110 Fahrenheit!!Doesn't she know that I would have been
long gone, dead and buried? Sometimes, a Doctor's "intelligence"
really surprises me. She was also dammm rude, shouting at daddy
and all when daddy couldn't hear her as she was wearing a mask!

With more doctors like these around,I think people wouldn't be
dying of H1N1, they'd most probably be dying of wrong diagnosis!~

TRIMHGM

2010-04-05T02:18:00.000-07:00

The Ram In My House Gone Mad..
It's amazing to see how FaceBook has allowed
us all to express our opinions!LOL...There goes my little sister,
expressing her OPINIONS about me on FaceBook..publicly calling me
a BITCH..not that i'm denying the fact that I'm one..LOL..but the fact
that when it comes to Bitchiness..I'm sadly..far a way from her..

Over the years as she's grown,
Boy!Has she turn into one hell of a hottie..
but with the looks, comes arrogance and with arrogance,
comes BITCHINESS..even my parents say she's way to BITCHY
and might most probably end up getting slapped real hard on
the face..WELL..KIDS..if they don't hit their head hard enough..
they'll never learn..so fine by me!LOL!

So..if you're reading this..
Dear sister,
I may have misunderstood you,
and IF i DID..I'M SORRY..
But you're FUCK YOU just snapped the string..=p

The bore dayz of classes..

2010-04-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

Stuck in class again..grrr..just got my mid term marks..16.4/20..highest was 18..so i'm pretty satisfied...anyway..classes are boring me again..i'm in my bitch mode again..woke up at the wrong side of the bed cos i was practically coughing my lungs out to the extend i felt like my whole throat was going to come out..and with ak kicking the arse outta me on bed and being such an ungrateful ****!!ugh!whatever..all of sudden i'm counting down to langkawi..exactly one month to go!Hell yeah!I can't wait!!!LOL!!!was doing an assignment on news articles..Jack Neo's apology..on his accidental..dellusional...self-created affair..and to think he came out with highly morale movies..he himself..has none..what a pity!a hiprocrit!his apology looked stage and he had to nerve to put his hurt..scarred..maned wife on stage..!What a MAN!Maniac Assholes Nowadays!

Yawns...morning classes brings out the blogger in ME!muahahaha

2010-03-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

Good Morning world..i'm sleeeppy..and I can't bear sitting down for 3hours in the most boring lecture through out my 4 years of studying..RAWR...=p She's a nice lecturer..only way too book oriented..
So..
What did i do yesterday?hmmm..hung out with Avril..David..and boo..i promised boo that we'd go for lunch at 2 and be back before 4..but we ended up going home at 6..and meeting Avril and David AGAIN at 9..hehe..Avril's other friends were in Station 1 too so she kindda like had to run back and forth between tables..BOY!was she tipsy..i think she alone almost finished 2buckets..I didn't drink at all..hehe..Station 1 was too bright and I doubt people would be amused with the fact of seeing an aubergine sitting and laughing around in station 1..LOL..had loads of fun yesterday..but just remembered..there was no cam whoring session..grrr..I enjoy Avril's company cos she's real..courteous and very very encouraging..=p hehehe..gosh..how long can this lecture last!grr..the 3hrs seems like 48 hours..sighzzz...

Hail storm in Malaysia?

2010-03-26T23:38:00.000-07:00

Hail storm in Malaysia?

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/3/26/nation/5937955&sec=nation

Makes you wonder, is the world coming to an end? Is 2012 real?

Signs:

The bible says the world will come to an end when:

sickness hits the people..-SARS/HINI

Water will flood- Tsunami/Earth Quakes hitting Haiti, Chille and etc..

And lastly, God will end the world through Fire..

*shudders* the thought of it sends chill down my spine..

Dear lord,

Forgive us for our sins,
Deliver us from evil..

Dear Humans,

Do something to save our world..
Stop killing trees..We need them!
Stop killing animals..You wouldn't like it we killed you!
Stop taking our air, water and mother nature for granted..
Stop killing ourselves..
Stop being selfish..

-We can start by conserving energy..27th March 2010..Today is Earth Day..Just
off those lights for an hour..
-Stop polluting rivers..
-Car pool, you not only get to save on cash, but also petrol, save the environment
and reduce air pollution.
-Learn to USE A RUBBISH BIN..the roads/river ain't no bin..
-Off the lights/fan/air con when you're out of the room..
-Don't eat as if you're a bottomless pit..almost 50% of the solid wastes in
Malaysia are FOOD..
-Help people..donate to those who need..who cares if they con you or not..at least you know your actions are sincere..

Do a little, save a little..if everyone does a bit here and there,
The world would be a better place..

Bored.Hungry.Pathetic

2010-03-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm home before 11.30 on a Friday Night..grrr..it's so unlike me..
For me..when I'm bored I tend to eat a lot..and trust me..when I eat,
I'll eat till the stomachs gonna burst...

But now, I'm hungry...and I don't want to eat because after food..i'll
be heading for snooze land and trust me..it ain't gonna do me justice for
the Langkawi trip we planned for in the two months..GRRRR..So how do I
stop my crave from hunger? Think about food..LOL..

I'm a weirdo...Thinking about food alone can make me full enough to not
wanna eat and head on to snooze land with a "full tummy"..Hmmm...I'm craving
for something light..which would very well mean..My very own recipe of onion soup..Yummy...It's a simple dish to prepare..

My onion soup recipe:
1. 2 White large onions
2. Dried Rosemary
3. Dried Basil
4. Dried Parsley
5. Butter
6. Salt
7. Chicken soup base

So where do I start?

- Boil a medium to big pot of soup with a few chicken carcass, ranging from 2-3..the bigger the pot..the more you need..and trust me..chicken carcass are sweet...Let it boil all the way until it is ready to serve..=p The longer it boils, the tastier it becomes.=)

- Cut the onions into slices, the best is to cut and peel it in a bowl of water to prevent the eyes from tearing.After cutting the onions into slices, put the whole butter which would be approximately 250grams into a medium sized pot to melt.*It is one hell of a fattening pot of soup* After the butter has been melted, put the sliced onions inside to fry in small fire..I guess it took me about 20 minutes to half an hour to fry the onions into a delicious golden brown...and dammm..I hate onions but the aroma of the slow fried onions is just irresistible..=p As it is turning golden brown, add a table spoon of dried rosemary,parsley and basil.

- As the chicken soup is boiling..pour the onions into the pot of chicken soup. Try not pouring the oil together.Add salt on chicken stock based on your own taste buds..Let it boil for another 30-45 minutes depending on how soft you want the onions to be. Once the soup turns golden and clear, it is ready to serve!

Btw..one thing about this soup is, it doesn't necessarily need chicken soup base. Either way it will taste good...*yawns..* I'm sleepy now..and I forgot I was hungry..or rather I became full talking about my home made clear onion soup recipe..

It doesn't look too good..but judging by the reaction of the ones I love..I believe it tasted good..LOL..*thick skin*..alrighties..gonna go to dream land and dream of my onion soup..tata..=p

Where do I go from here?

2010-03-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a sucker for superstition and I can't help it..
Mama brought me to some tarot card reader cos she could
see my dilemma as my final semester is coming to an end..
So at the end of the day, it's all sums out to one of those
cliché advises.."follow your heart.."grrr..if I knew what the
heart wanted, I wouldn't be sitting in front of "her" right..?

Hmm...maybe what she says is true..but how do you follow your heart
when the world doesn't revolve around you? A lil'll too selfish 'eh?
*sighs*

There's so many things the heart wants, but only so little it can do..tsk tsk..
Let's see..I want to have my own Montessori..but I don't wanna be facing kids at 23
for the rest of my life..So, do I really want it? And...And..I wanna be a fashion designer..but that's out cos I didn't take any course on that..what else?I wanna be a writer..a copy writer..Nopes..not qualified enough..a children's book writer..that'll be good..but who's gonna be my publisher? A reporter perhaps? My parents hate that idea? So what do I do? Take daddy's entertainment business?

At the end of the day it all bores down to what can help put food on the table, what can help make sure mom and dad gets good medical care for their old age and what can make me financially stable does it?

Well..

Besides..I can't really decide on what I want yet..cos I have close to zilch exp..grrrr..wish I could turn back time and skip the thought of entering "SEGi" grrr...but then again..I got an extra accomplishment..=p

So prayyyyyyyyyy...
I've got another two more months then it's buh-bye books, Hello real world..=)

Time

2010-03-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Over time you believe you've learnt so many lessons others haven't..
Looking back sometimes we regret or agree to the decisions we once made.
365 days passes by so many time, and when I look back now I know I've learnt lessons
that others would have learnt only when their 20 years older *i think*..

It may seem funny..but I sometimes
think of 365 days ago and thank god to the lessons
learned from 365 days ago..

When we were there,
the pain seems so intense,
but when you look back,
it all seems so insignificant..
You sit back and laugh at what a fool you once were,
but then again without experiences,
How would anyone live to learn the road made from heaven..
Pain is when you learn,
Pleasure is when you gain,
Time is when I know the decisions made 365 days for several time is right.=)

My dream

2010-03-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

As a child, I always had a dream..

A dream to design the most beautiful wedding gown ever.
Last Sunday I was with Piggy boo, Robson and Nelvin in pyramid..
There was a bridal fair and we stopped to look. I always had a thing for wedding
gowns..i really loved the way it makes a person look so at peace, bringing out
the best in them and focusing so much on their inner beauty.

I guess it has always been my dream to be a fashion designer..but somehow..this dream ..i know.. realistically won't come true..but no harm talking about it..=) I always wished I could design a wedding gown for someone, and bring out the best in them as they walk down the aisle and head towards another phase in life. At least, I would feel that somehow I did contribute to a person's happiness..

So..when my sister's get married, I'm going to design their wedding gowns..and when I get married...YEAP! I'm gonna design this dress of love, peace and happiness..=p

I never thought this day would come.

2010-02-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

I never thought this day would come,

Daddy is like Super Man to me..
He was the first "prince" in my life when I was 8 years old..
I tied my blanky and bed sheets from my balcony..miscalculated and
was stuck half way..Daddy came to the rescue and all he had to say..
"Jump down..Daddy's your prince.."

I grew into a young lady..
We were distant..we never spoke..

You made an attempt..to open my heart and apologize for the mistakes
you've once made..I opened my arms and let you in again as "daddy"..
Somehow..even as a kid..I never wanted to be like you..and as a teenager
I would barf at the thought of being like you..
But then it hit me..
A day before CNY..and to top it up with the thought of the day..
There it was..the perfect "I know what I want.." It was like the perfect freshly made pancake topped with butter and maple syrup oozing down..I wanna be like Daddy..
I never thought I would say this..and never crossed my mind..But then I realized..I am pretty much like you..and I want to be like YOU.

I never told you this before..
But you make me proud.
You're a man who fell and stood up..
Who gave us three everything we ever wanted..
You understood us,
A friend to us rather than a parent..
I could tell you about everything..well at least almost..
You make me proud.
And daddy..If only you knew..
Though I won't tell you just yet..
Because I want you to see it to believe..How much you've inspired me..
I know it ain't easy..but I know it ain't hard..

Just like you...
Nothing's impossible for you..
I wanna be just like you.

WTF!

2010-02-22T22:06:00.001-08:00

Came across this in the dailychilli.com...wtf...I'm no saint..but seriously..
this man should be given a lesson..He's hell lucky he wasn't born a Dog..
I mean..honestly..Dog are living things too!They can feel...Grrr..
I wish this man get's his lesson..I guess people in China really don't have a
thing for animals..reminds me of a crazy ass bitch piercing her high heels through a kittens eye balls and crushing it's brains out..I'm just gonna put a tiny picture..unclear..cos i duwanna make anyone barf..but seriously..this people need to be taught a lesson..!GRRRRR....

I Super hate cats..but...STILL...Where the hell are these people's heart!

The dog's already lying on the floor!This man has no compassion at all..

This F***** a**HOLE and The Heartless B**** with the face of a whore deserve each other..May they both rot in hell!Amen!

Picture courtesy of http://dailychilli.com/news?start=16

Dog towed by motorcyclist

This photo uploaded by a neitzen shows a motorcyclist dragging a chained dog behind his wheels

This photo uploaded by a neitzen shows a motorcyclist dragging a chained dog behind his wheels

A photo of a motorcyclist towing a chained dog that was uploaded to the Internet has sparked off public outrage in China.

The photo, put up by a netizen surnamed Liu on Thursday, showed a man riding on a motorcycle on a highway in Fuzhou.

And a dog, which has a metal chain coiled around its neck, was being dragged along the road by the motorcyclist.

"I wound down my car window and asked the man to stop. However, he sped up and zoomed away," Liu told the Straits Newspaper, a metropolitan daily paper in the capital of China's Fujian province.

"The dog couldn't bark due to the chains around its neck, and its four legs were bleeding," Liu said.

"The motorcyclist was riding at about 50 km per hour at the time."

Some netizens left messages at Tianya.cn - a popular online bulletin board - to rebuke the man's brutality.

Some doubted that the man was a dog thief. Other furious netizens demanded a search for the man.
- China Daily

Published Feb 22 2010

I'm supposed to be loving CNY

2010-02-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

Yes..I know I'm suppose to be an EMO-LESS person..
It's in my new years resolution..=/

But..
I'm gonna make this one exception because it's how I feel..
I'm suppose to love CNY..Haihzz..But I feel pretty down..
My family seems so incomplete..I mean it has been since time
in memorial..but never incomplete during CNY..A piece of my heart is
Missing..and that piece is my oldest sister..=(

I wish she's gonna be here on the first day of CNY..
Just like old times..
Like how it is when we were having bird nest and cookies..(my favorite)
in the morning..and we had to kneel down and "chum cha" (serve tea) and wish
mommy and daddy good health, joy and bla bla bla..And then mom would let us pick
out Ang-Pows..5 of them and we have to take turns to pick...one containing a
piece of paper with wishes and the other four ranging from RM 10 to RM 500...
Haihz..but now..it's incomplete...

Jie says the family is way too screwed up to be apart of..(mainly mom n dad) and refuses to take leave while she can take leave for kai ce's open house..I just wish she would change her mind..=(

Why can't we have this for CNY?

Why must we be this??

I hate cupboard ransacking..

2010-02-09T22:33:00.001-08:00

I just found 2 UN-WORN MNG jeans from last year..
I bought these two for last years CNY and i totally forgot
about it..And this year..i totally forgot Mommy got me a
pair of levis...and piggy boo ALSO got me a pair of levis..
SWTS!Plus Jie got me a pair of top shop and i got myself
another pair of rubber-ish jeans from MNG..

Anyone wants a pair of MNG? It's not a skinny...It's a normal jeans
and is extremely fitting..=)

Now i know why i'm so broke..I keep buying and forgetting about it..
I need to watch on my shopping..too much!GRRRR...

FYI: I DON'T LIKE YOU!

2010-02-09T07:11:00.000-08:00

FYI! I DON'T LIKE YOU!
The sight of you disgust me.
Your dramatic expressions and lame-o attitude disgust me..
The way you comb your hair..or the way you wear your clothes..
OMG! IT disgust me!

I hate the way you walk,
The way you drive and the way you talk,
I hate the way you pretend you're some good drinker...
When you're not even a good thinker..

I hate the way you show your dramatic temper..
You're just so dam off..
I hate the way u're so pretenscious..malicious and disgusting...
I hate the way you pretend to be someone you're not..
When the fact shows you're worse than an ass..
So before I slap you across the face,
Stay away from me.
A 12 foot poll would be sufficient. =p

OMG..IFG!

2010-02-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

Damn..today I went shopping with mommy..I
Think we spent over RM 2000.00 on comforters and bra
and everything else..hahaha..This shopping spree was suppose to be
good..but..I feel real upset!

I went bra shopping..
Sadness..and realised that the NO CARB DIET i've been on didn't do me any
justice! WTF!Haihz..I hate hate hate! Why the FUCK do i go on stupid diets
and it end up going wrong..in the first place! Why do i even bother going on a diet!
It's not like I can make my bone any smaller!DENg! Stupid stupid me!

So..I lost weight in all the wrong places which totally makes me regret on going on
this stupid diet..I mean what was i thinking!

And so..now IFG! I feel Gay! WTF!

Haihz..lesson learnt!
* Don't go on a diet*
* If i wanted to, do more research*
* MILK HELPS! GET IMMUNE TO IT!*

boring talk that pissed me off!

2010-01-31T17:03:00.000-08:00

I went for this talk last week by dr.chuah guat eng..OMG..the worst few hours of my time..This lady was supposed to be talking about feature writing,ethics and writing for media..but she ended up talking about political,religion and journalism issues. There was a part where she says Mahathir was so unright when he spoke about the malays commiting the most incest because what he does not know is that chinese commits more incest and don't report it because of face value.Well..too bad for her statistics shows that Malays does commit more incest and does she even have proof that chinese commits more?And she was also really bias about the whole church burning incident,condemning the Malays for being close minded and bla bla bla not knowing that it was a sensitive issue,but she happily gave her point of view.OMG!She was also extremely judgemental when it ca,e to talking about journalists and story writer!Oh god..she kept making it seem that story writers are good while journalists and copy writers are unethical..bla bla bla..Basically i didin't learn anything except,writers are people with unresolved issues.They write because they've got ununresolved issues..Well..i personally feel that she she is one woman with way too many unresolved issues and she needs to gget her head examined befofore going forr another talk. Overall the talk is full of crap except for the part where i know she is a phd holder..and it suprises me that even a person with such high education can turn out real wacky...A paper is just a paper..and the end of the day..it's a person's attitude and what he or she has inside that matters..and i'm pretty sure she has nothing inside her..no wonder her sinlings don't allow her to talk ..!=p

What seperates the men and the boys, and what brings them together.

2010-01-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

There are two type of boys in the world,
One who tries too hard to be a man,
And the other who tries too hard not trying at all..

Boys are those of great dilemma,
They find women complicated not knowing we want the simplest things,
They trouble themselves to understand women when the answers are right in front,

Boys are those with no head to think,
They try to pick up a girl with cheesy lines that's posted all over the internet,
Only because they are too dumb to get new ideas,

Boys are those who can't separate priorities from interest,
As they do as they like not knowing the consequences,
Boys are quitters that's why they will never succeed.

Men on the other hand,
Don't have to try at all or even try not to try,
Because they have it all,
They understand women like they're a book or something,
They don't go through the trouble because the answers are right
in front of their faces,
Men think with their heads,
That's why they can handle the fiercest woman,
Men on the other hand don't need cheesy lines,
Because they know where to touch a woman's heart,
For some girls,
All they have to do is flash those credit cards, a BMW or maybe jingle a diamond bracelet or a necklace or something. That's definitely not forever.
For others,
They'd have to dig their heart out,
Prove through rain or sun..bla bla bla..
Maybe there's forever there.

So These are what separate men from boys,
But one thing that brings them together,
Well almost all of them are of same spots,
And clearly a leopard never changes it's spots,
It's their ****.
Men and boys think that IT can think,
Not knowing the only brain in our body is up there in our head,
When IT awakes,
That's it!
It doesn't matter how much love, hardship or crap,
It all ends up the same.
Pleasure then worry.

So,
There you go,
Men and boys are different in every way,
Every way except one.
And that ONE makes them seem all the same.

I may sound like a feminist..
But I'm just stating the truth..
And this post does not in anyways
mean that girls are angels.

Temper,never my best friend.

2010-01-24T08:27:00.000-08:00

A person's temper can be very destructive,thus it ends up being our worst enemy.
I have a very bad one..short and destructive,
It's like an out of control machine gun..
Killing so many people..
And later live to regret..
It's worst than that crazy lecturer who fails u for no apparent reason..
Or that dumbass who steals your work,
Or that son of a cow who steps all over you..
Or that back stabbing bitch,
Or that snoozy boss,
Or even that asshole ex,
It's destructive and it hurts everyone u love.
including urself....and one day you may find yourself alone..
I need to get rid...of it..before it happens..
Before i start hurting the ones i love.

When boredom strikes again part 2

2010-01-21T18:40:00.001-08:00

WEll well..hear i am..super bored again...got up really early..9 today...
and every other day..only earlier when i have classes..tsk tsk..My
morning is like a daily routine..I wake up and I'm hooked on the net.
Looking at last years post..I was hooked on Barn Buddy, Animal Ranch and Pet society..
Swts...This year..I'm hooked on cafe world and miss bimbo..I guess when you're really bored you tend to play almost anything and when you find something new, you forget about the old stuffs..Human nature i guess...*sighs*

Anyways my new found excitements...

Cafe world cos there was competition but now it's kindda slowing down and Miss bimbo..it's kindda like your Barbie Doll online..=p

Obsessed..

2010-01-18T20:40:00.000-08:00

I'm bored in class right now so what do i do?
Blog..Christie's busy sms-ing her piggy while Kenneth is there decorating a house i just drew..LOL..

So my topic for today..Obsessed.
I walked into college and see mountains of girls with thick make up on their faces..thick layers of foundation that you can no longer see their true face,fake bulu's to the extend that you can't tell if they have real lashes..eye shadows so dark,you can no longer see the existence of their eyes.

Make up is ok,but it also depends on where they go..moderation is the best. I knew people who used to splatter make up so thick that you can no longer tell how they really look..

I guess..some people are obsessed with make up that leaving the house with a naked face is a criminal offense to them. i do admit that i love make up too,but moderation comes best.Make up makes everyone look better but what's the point of looking beautiful, when your insides are rotten?

I ♥ Banana

2010-01-10T08:27:00.000-08:00

I know this statement would make most people wonder..
"which banana am i talking about." LoL..
However, i'm talking about the real banana and not the one sticking in between
the two balls of man which hangs heavily/lightly between their legs, I'm no nympho
to be loving that banana..hehe..
Anyways,
I ♥ Bananas
and i'm talking about THE REAL BANANA FRUIT, a.k.a Pisang.
Bananas are one of the healthiest fruit in the world, and I really am
beginning to love it. I used to hate it cause i thought it tasted funny..
slimy and eew..LOL.. but after realizing its benefits, I'm all out for it.

Bananas are healthy, lowest cholesterol & lowest fats fruit. It helps revives and
rejuvenates the complexion, assists in constipation problems, gives you energy and
the best of all, helps you loose weight. Hehehe..well, food/things that can give me a pretty face and nice body definately has my support. I know, i'm super vain..aand i can't help it. It's in my blood. Plus it's kindda frustrating being constipated most of the time.

So people, do eat more bananas..♥ it and it'll ♥ you.
There's nothing to loose eating and ♥ bananas cause it's super duper good for us.

So...

2010-01-08T00:11:00.000-08:00

Determine to eliminate all dramas,
What do i do?
Hang out with friends.
And what/whom do we speak of..hehe=p
Loads.
Was out with kenneth, vincent and christie..
Basically, we were talking about so much..
First thing we talked about was my lil'll sister..
Well..to live up to my new years resolution..
It's true..i gotta learn how to let go and be there whenever she needs..
And i'm sure gonna do my best to make sure it happens, sometimes you gotta hit ur head hard enough to realize what's good for you and as much as i wanna prevent that from happening, somethings are outta my hands. Well..i hope she knows what she's doing and I sure hope she won't hit herself too hard..

Then we moved on to spooky stories and NS..Oh NS..how much u've hurted me!LoL..
I hope Malaysia would not choose girls...especially... to go for NS untill they've become advanced..*probably never.* I mean having contractors walk in and out of the toilet is definitely not a situation a girl wants to be in..plus being diagnosed wrongly..and seeing people get spooked out..NO WAY HOSE..but...one thing i learnt from there is, it made me a stronger person. No miss.taufoo to me!

I told them that i went to Cheras Hospital once upon a time ago..It was a silly thing to do. Real Silly.And there was once I wanted to go to some cemetery. Thanks to God/Jesus. He must have blinded my way for awhile cause i ended up in Genting. Well, God works in mysterious ways and whatever he does is for our own good. Thanks be to God.

Hmmm...hair, fashion, swollen face, college and someone..hahaha..Hilarious little topic..but i'm not gonna mention it here because i'm supposed to stay outta trouble. You'll never know if that little "birdie" may just fly to my blog. All in all, We had fun cocking and no we did not bad mouthed anyone..I'm just glad we're not hanging out anymore. Perfect. So there's another drama out of my life cause I no longer have to play damsel in distress and also give my friends the "please help me" look when birdie's nearby.

So today, another boring ol' day but a happy one!

Tata..muaxxx

Thank You

2009-12-16T10:16:00.000-08:00

Thank You for opening my heart, mind and soul.
Just remember,
You will always have that special place in my heart.
As a friend, a mentor and a family.

You wiped away my tears and swiped away my fears.
I will always remember your words:
What can't kill you only makes you stronger..
Superstitions are for people who don't believe in themselves.

Simple words with strong meanings.
Thank you my dear friend.♥

Free Me..From You

2009-12-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

I kept thinking..is it me?
No..
It's you..
You're so conceited.
I dare not say it out.
You ears are to listen to your voice.
Mouth is to speak your mind,
Regardless of the damage it might do.
Hands to express your anger.
You did it again.
You conceited little fool.

Free me From you.
I don't want to be a monster.
I just want to be me.

You Turned Yourself In.=)

2009-12-07T17:38:00.001-08:00

If it wasn't you..
Why would you "FEEL" the message?
If it wasn't you..
How would you know i thought it was you?
If it wasn't you..
Why did you bother?

You turned yourself in..
You let the cat out of the back..
and covered it behind your innocent lies..
Two words, "I didn't" and you expect the world
to believe you're innocent..

You see..
I've known you so long..
Only you would laugh at people's weakness..
Compare photos of the past and present..
Only you would spread your thoughts and
convince others it was real..remember? You're convincing..

Whatever you have said,
However you have treated me,
I took it in..cause you were my BFF..
But i realized..
I wouldn't want a BFF...
who laughs when others are in pain..
who has no compassion..
who has no dignity..
who has no pride..
who has no kindness..
who has no heart..
You turned yourself in..

Just so you know,
I've walked away since a very long time..
May you find the HEART to care about others..
Laugh WITH people and NOT AT people.

Some Mail i got....and i think it's so dam right..

2009-11-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

BITCHOLOGY

When I stand up for
Myself and my beliefs,
They call me a
Bitch.

When I stand up for
Those I love,
They call me a
Bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
Or do things my own way, they call me a
Bitch.

Being a bitch
Means I won't
Compromise what's
In my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to
Tolerate injustice and
Speak against it, I am
Defined as a
Bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
Myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle 'anything'

Enough is enough

2009-10-31T10:55:00.000-07:00

Well well..
There's this new thing called social interview in Facebook..whereby it makes out simple to hard questions about the people on your list. So I came across this question by ******.

SocialInterview.com asked me "If Caressa Ming was a gangster-rapper, what would his/her street name be?"
I answered "GSP"

Btw, if you don't know, you can skip the question.

HEY YOU,

I was thinking and thinking..what was GSP..Then a friend brought up to my attention..the high school nick name they used to give me..You see..
That was in high school. Yes, I was flat..but it's not a criminal offense and
whether i was flatter or am fuller now, i don't need your comments.

We were once close where you all could laugh at me and taunt me with your class-less statements calling me "She-Man" and a "Trans", saying i was "BIG", whisper about the size of my boobs and everything else. I let it be 'cause we were friends but since you mentioned "I WON'T TURN MY BACK FROM MY FRIENDS FOR THIS KIND OF GIRL" (sounds broken but it was mentioned in mandarin)I lost every bit of respect for you and i don't think i can find the place to associate myself with you.

Whether my boobs are big or small or i am fat or thin..I am still happy with myself. No matter what i do or how i look, it is none of your concern because i am not your girlfriend, so why not you go scatter back and keep your comments for your girlfriend and leave me alone.THANK YOU.

An eye opener

2009-10-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

Today was a great eye opener for me..
I once was quoted saying.."Malaysian celebrities thinks that their big
shots but the truth is no one asks for their autograph when they walk
around because to our eyes they are nothing but to their eyes their on
top of everyone.SNOBS!"

However, today was different. Thanks to principles of interviewing class..
Our task was to interview a celebrity..At first i choose to interview a dude whose obsessed with himself, no time management and a FFK king...who thinks he is Malaysia's hot celebrity..LOL..I mean
honestly, who does he think he is, he hasn't appeared on any movies in the
cinema. And still he gives that DIVA attitude.

So, i then resorted to Lum Tuck Weng a.k.a Jack Lim. Mom knows his wife, so
she helped me set up an interview with them. Honestly, they were the nicest people..
and to imagine that i forgot to take a picture with him as evidence that i did
my work, i was so embarrassed and i didn't dare to call him back after i left
the cafe. To my amazement, he actually called me back and told me.."i think you
forgot to take a picture.(in cantonese of course.)"

I went back and took a picture with him (while he was eating and he got up immediately and swallowed his food so he wouldn't keep me waiting.)
I thanked him profusely and he just told me,
i didn't study much and i hope other who have the privilege to do so can excel. Whether it was from the heart or not, he can choose to not do the interview after rushing from his meeting, but yet he did and he spent almost two hours talking to me.
I guess i always kind of liked him when i saw him in those old HVD dramas, in the movie Ah Long and Love matters. And boy, i was kind of glad that i was his fan cause he didn't disappoint me at all.

I really couldn't digest why they were so obliging, sincere and nice.They even showed me a video of their baby boy, Lucas at 6 months saying his first word "papa" and at 7 months.."daddy"!I guess lil'll Lucas(who looks like a mixed chinese baby and is so dam adorable) inherited daddy's genes and mommy's good looks. He gave me really personal information including on how he proposed to his wife, his past and so much more.

In Malaysia, when you're a celebrity no one recognizes you, but i am so dam sure many chinese people recognize him especially when he has appeared in two of Jack Neoh's great movies.

He even told me that he took in the english name Jack because he was a Jack of all traits and a master of nothing. He had a very bright personality despite his tired face after a long day of work and i know he is the kind of person who never gives up. Nine years being in the entertainment industry, he made his grand entrance on the tenth year with the great support of his wife and he is still going dam strong after 16 years.

I just realized, it's their great humble and sincere attitude that brings them prosperity, happiness and love.

One of the nicest celebrities i know, this includes Miss Chinese International Pageant Malaysia 2007 or 2006 (i think), Annabelle Kong

Ps:And to whom it may concern, i've got my interview with a renowed MALAYSIAN REAL CELEBRITY and for you, I HOPE YOU FIND HUMBLENESS SOMEWHERE CAUSE BEING 30 AND CAR-LESS + A CELEBRITY IS SO NOT COOL. LET'S HOPE YOUR CHEAP HAIR CUT AND MOVIES WILL BRING YOU SOMEWHERE BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO ATTITUDE AT ALL. YOU'RE JUST A SHELL
AND YOU DON'T NEED AN EXTRAORDINARY PERSON TO KNOW YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST SO PREDICTABLE. "CELEBRITY" STATUS SWELLED UP YOUR HEAD SO BIG THAT YOU CAN'T LOOK FURTHER THAN YOUR NOSE NO MORE.

Two things that annoyed me.

2009-10-19T02:25:00.000-07:00

Two things i hate today..
Diva's.
Let's say..
you're a local celebrity..
you walk around and no one notices you..
people don't want your autograph
and if someone say..hey..it's..what's his name??
The other will go..what..who?He is a celebrity?
So to whom it may concern,
When people treat you as a celebrity,
They are doing you a favor because..
they recognize you as a celebrity..
to make you feel better so that you won't
feel that your cheap TV programmes and 50 dollars
haircut is a waste.You just pissed off the bitch in me!

Dindran just sent me this link..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7021723.stm

it says..Beyonce cancelled coming to Malaysia..i think it was a while ago..
but that's not my point..check the dress codes of Performers that come to Malaysia..even Indonesia a muslim country doesn't have that...:

Stefani wore sober outfits at a show in August, calling it a "major sacrifice".

She put jackets over her tops and leotards underneath her skirts and dresses, to conform to the guidelines during the concert.

Official guidelines about performances in Malaysia state that female artists must cover up from the top of the chest to the knees.

Performers are also forbidden from jumping, shouting or embracing members of the audience.

Anyways...
I don't know if this is the present or past.
my point here is..Performers are meant to have outrageous
outfits. That's why there is a term for these outfit..and it's
called performing outfits!duh!

~*Joie De Vivre*~